I Never Knew Raine Fell

I never knew, I could have never known.  How could a child be capable of such evil?  How could my child be... this?  What kind of parent am I that I couldn’t  see what was before my very eyes?  Maybe it was the love of a mother that overshadowed my daughter’s true self.  I sit now at my kitchen table sipping coffee and staring at the steam rising from the black liquid.  The vapor dances on the air in patterns and I am lost in the shapes that seem to emerge.

I could not have known could I?  Was I willingly neglectful that something so heinous could be happening under my very roof?  This child was the fruit of my womb, yet I now feel no connection to this monster.  Where did I go wrong as a parent?  Where did I lose the fight for the soul of my child?  When did I lose sight of what she was becoming?  Was she born this way? Was I to blame?

The detectives had sat across from this very table not an hour before asking these very questions. Questions I had no answer to.  I didn’t believe them at first and if I hadn’t seen the pictures and videos for myself I could never have comprehended the terror that was happening in my basement.  The floorboard I trod every morning harbored a horrid nightmare beneath them.  

I am only writing this right now while this is all still fresh in my mind, if the authorities would like to see it as a confession or a willful act of ignorance on the part of an adult who ignored all of the warning signs, then so be it.  I do not know how long this paper will be.  I am not aware of anything at this point, I am just numb all over, and the images keep invading my mind.  I don’t know if I can live with this in my heart.  Two days ago this house was filled with the laughter and love of a family.  Children squealed in delight as their father chased them and gave them horseback rides, I was the typical housewife.  I thought we were happy.  After I am done this paper I think I’ll end it.  

The house is now so silent, no children, no laughter, no husband.  I miss him.  I wish I could have seen this before it was too late.  He might still be here.  My son. Gone. I loved him, he was a miracle, born premature.  He had made it to age 5.  He was strong and resilient. Dead now.  How did I not know what she was doing?  How did I not know my own daughter was a monster?  I have read of evil children on the internet, but I always thought they were the spawn of evil and neglectful parents.  I never thought it could be in a place such as this.  I am digressing from the point.  This paper will be my testament to the happenings here in Newtown, Pennsylvania.  I hope other parents will learn from this.  Maybe they can spot in their children what I missed.

END part 1