I never knew, I
could have never known. How could a
child be capable of such evil? How could
my child be... this? What kind of parent
am I that I couldn’t see what was before my very eyes? Maybe it was the love of a mother that
overshadowed my daughter’s true self. I
sit now at my kitchen table sipping coffee and staring at the steam rising from
the black liquid. The vapor dances on
the air in patterns and I am lost in the shapes that seem to emerge.
I could not have
known could I? Was I willingly
neglectful that something so heinous could be happening under my very
roof? This child was the fruit of my
womb, yet I now feel no connection to this monster. Where did I go wrong as a parent? Where did I lose the fight for the soul of my
child? When did I lose sight of what she
was becoming? Was she born this way? Was
I to blame?
The detectives
had sat across from this very table not an hour before asking these very
questions. Questions I had no answer to.
I didn’t believe them at first and if I hadn’t seen the pictures and
videos for myself I could never have comprehended the terror that was happening
in my basement. The floorboard I trod
every morning harbored a horrid nightmare beneath them.
I am only
writing this right now while this is all still fresh in my mind, if the
authorities would like to see it as a confession or a willful act of ignorance
on the part of an adult who ignored all of the warning signs, then so be
it. I do not know how long this paper
will be. I am not aware of anything at
this point, I am just numb all over, and the images keep invading my mind. I don’t know if I can live with this in my
heart. Two days ago this house was filled
with the laughter and love of a family.
Children squealed in delight as their father chased them and gave them
horseback rides, I was the typical housewife.
I thought we were happy. After I
am done this paper I think I’ll end it.
The house is now
so silent, no children, no laughter, no husband. I miss him.
I wish I could have seen this before it was too late. He might still be here. My son. Gone. I loved him, he was a miracle,
born premature. He had made it to age
5. He was strong and resilient. Dead
now. How did I not know what she was
doing? How did I not know my own
daughter was a monster? I have read of
evil children on the internet, but I always thought they were the spawn of evil
and neglectful parents. I never thought
it could be in a place such as this. I
am digressing from the point. This paper
will be my testament to the happenings here in Newtown, Pennsylvania. I hope other parents will learn from
this. Maybe they can spot in their
children what I missed.
END part 1
My name is Emily
Serim, I am 35 years old. Until
yesterday I was the happy mother of two children, a son Duncan and a daughter
Raine. I was happily married to my
husband Michael for fifteen years. We
met when I was twenty years old. He was
so odd when I first laid eyes on him at a college dance. He was sitting watching everyone dance with
amusement, but there was something so serene about him. I had to get to know him.
We ended up
dating for only a few weeks before we got married, some may have thought that
was way too quick but when family and friends saw us together they knew we were
meant to be. Our relationship was a
happy one filled with passionate love making and many nights cuddled together
on the couch watching television. When I was 25 we welcomed our first
child. We named her Raine for the dreary
day in which she was born. I will never
forget the labor pain I endured with her, Michael was there holding my hand and
whispering encouragement into my ear. My
mother was on my other side telling me to push while my father was in the
waiting room with an unlit cigar in his mouth and a look of fresh new
grandparent joy spread across his thin lips.
He had been a great father and would be an even greater grandfather.
With such a
loving home I am at a loss to explain what my daughter had become. The evil,
the lies. How could she have hidden this
all from us? My son Duncan was born on
my 30th birthday. It was an easy
pregnancy and delivery. He was born on a
day of fresh spring air and sunlit beauty.
He was a child of pure innocence.
Although he was born two months early he was strong and adapted to the
world quickly.
Raine took to
being a proper good sister and even at the tender age of five she did all she
could to help with the care of her little brother and the upkeep of the
house. I used to laugh when she would
try and sweep the floors for us. It was
adorable. This little girl trying to use
a broom three times her height. She
tried so hard, she was a constant joy.
Was it an act? Was she like this
from the beginning? When did she fall?
No. No child could be that deceptive from such a young age. Could they?
When the
detectives explained their case and the evidence they had uncovered I could not
bring myself to look and when I finally did I was in denial that the images of
my daughter with the butchered and disfigured bodies of multiple men. The pictures looked so mundane at first
glance. Just a smiling child, but that was
all. Upon closer inspection you could
see that what she was sitting beside was a gruesome and almost hellish
scene. It was as if someone had photo
shopped my daughter into some suicide bombing scene in Iraq. At first this is what I had believed had been
done but the detectives assured me that was not the case. There was my perpetually happy daughter
sitting in a scene of absolute carnage as if she was on a trip to the
park. This picture alone was not enough
to convince me of the evil monster I had given birth to. This could not be her. This could not be my Raine.
They took the
time to explain to me what was happening.
I could hear them but they were like muffled voices a long way off, I
just kept staring at the picture they had showed me. I did not notice one of the detectives had
taken out an Android Tablet and began setting it up on the table. He smelled of spearmint gum and
cigarettes. He looked as if he never
showered and shaved only about once a week.
My home felt invaded and even as I sit here in my socks typing this on
an old typewriter sipping coffee I still have that feeling. This is what a rape victim must feel
like. Exposed, scared, alone. I am alone now in this house. It seems so much bigger when it’s empty.
The pungent
detective brought me back to the reality of my situation as he set the tablet
before me with a video queued up. The picture was still, an image of Raine, she
wore a face I had never seen before, and it was one of exquisite evil, the type
of look that would haunt a person for the rest of their life. The play button hovered over her face. He eyes seemed so dark, empty, and soulless. The detective told me to press play whenever
I was ready. I wish I could have sat
there permanently. I never wanted to
press that button. The image of my
daughter on the screen mocked me, I tried many times to reach for the screen
but I pulled my hand back unable to bring myself to cross the threshold of
ignorance into understanding. Finally
the detective felt he had waited long enough, his restlessness became apparent as
you could begin to hear the tapping of impatient fingers on the wood grain of
the kitchen table. He reached for the
tablet but before he could press the button my finger darted to the screen and
pressed play. It felt as if a force had
used me to do that. I felt outside
myself. As the setting sun began to sink
below the hills and the magic hour light faded from my kitchen the video began
to play.
The video began
with Raine standing there looking into the camera, it was obvious someone else
was there as well, holding the camera for her.
“Are you ready?” she asked the person behind the camera and to my
astonishment the voice of a child not an adult answered back. “Yes, I think so.” It was the voice of another little girl, a
little girl I was very familiar with.
She was Hannah, a playmate of my daughter. The two were joined at the hip when it came
to school but in everyday life they seldom played together. I was not aware of Hannah having been here in
at least two months, despite the video clearly showing a date of one week ago.
“Move the camera
around so our audience can see our lair.”
My daughter spoke eloquently, far advanced of her tender years, she
sounded like another person, the stumbling bubbling speech of a child had been
replaced by that of a cold and calculating monster. The tempo of her voice was soft and even,
there was no emotion in the tone. It was
as if something had possessed this child,
but this was reality and I could see the familiar glint of my daughter,
this was her true self, the deception was who she presented to her family.
“Why are we
making a video Raine?” Hannah asked
meekly. It was clear Hannah was the
subordinate one.
“I want a
memento of this day, to watch when I get bored.” She said with a chilling smile to the
camera. “My mom won’t be home until six
so we have a few hours.”
It was clear
this event was taking place in my basement.
But I frequently went down there and never found anything to be
amiss. After a moment the reasoning
became all too clear. Our house was an
old one and there are some place in old houses that only children knew
about. She watched as the camera
followed Raine to a spot under the stairs. In the corner was a small door which
she disappeared through, a moment later the camera followed her in. When the camera adjusted to the dimmer light
a room became apparent on the video. It
was a room built underground off the house, it must have been used long ago to
store food items to save them from the summer heat. I had not been aware that this room existed
but was not surprised, it was tucked away beneath the stairs.
Inside the room,
was a bed, a dresser and a small table in the corner. There was no covering on the wall and the
beams looked like ribs painted a dusted white that gave the whole room an
ethereal look. Everything appeared just
a bit too small for a normal person, the ceiling was low, an adult would have
to stoop down to navigate the room. This
was a place designed for a child. The
camera panned around and I was able to see more of the room. There was a mirror on the opposite wall by
the door. A dirty rug that had the
obvious browned stains of blood was frayed on the corners with an image of a
child playing in a garden embroidered on it. This room was like something from
another world, something you would see in a nightmare or a horror movie, I
could not believe this place had been beneath my feet for months, and who knows
how much longer. Raine had lived in this
house her entire life but there had never been any indication of her
disappearing down here or anything out of the ordinary for that matter. I didn’t want to see anymore, I didn’t want
to see what my daughter was going to do down here. I wanted to run from the house but I couldn’t
move I was transfixed on the screen, the whole world had disappeared leaving
only me and this video, the images consumed me, drawing me in.
“Ok set the
camera up over there, he won’t be able to see it there and we’ll be able to
capture everything.”
“Did Allie do
this for you last week?” I could hear
Hannah ask as the picture went crazy with the fiddling she was doing.
“Another girl
was involved in this?” I asked the
detective.
“It appears she
had at least three other girls beside her were involved in this. All have been taken into custody and will be
questioned later when things calm down a bit.
The media is going haywire about this.”
He had said.
The jerking
movement of the camera stopped and the whole of the room was now in full view
of the camera. “Where should I go?”
“Just wait at
the top of the stairs until I call you ok?”
I could hear
Hannah leave and a moment later I could hear the quiet shuffling of her feet on
the stairs but the door did not open or close so it was obvious she was sitting
at the top of the stairs just out of sight but within ear shot.
When Hannah was
gone Raine went to the camera and looked into the lens, her eyes were wide and
crazed like a rabid animal. These were
not the eyes of a child anymore but those of a predator. After inspecting the camera she smiled into
it as if nodding to a future audience.
“Enjoy the show.” She said. She
then walked over to the bed and sat down.
She remained there motionless and silent for the next fifteen minutes
until a knock on the door brought her out of her own head and back into the
world. She glanced at the camera before
getting up and walking out of the room, a few minutes later she came back in
but she was not alone. There was a man
accompanying her now, he was about 5’10 but that was hard to tell because he
had to stoop over in this child’s secret room.
He was thin and at least between forty and fifty years of age with a
short gray haircut. He wore khaki pants
and a blue and white plaid shirt. She
took him by the hand and escorted him to the bed.
“I didn’t think
you were real.” He said as he sat down
on the bed and she stood in front of him holding his hands in hers. “I can’t believe this is real, I’m so glad I
answered your message online.
My daughter pushed him gently back on the bed
until he was lying down crossways with his legs planted on the floor. Even in the dim room you could tell the man
was aroused and he was expecting a taste of forbidden fruit. Raine stepped away from him and walked across
the room as the man began to unbutton his shirt preparing to indulge in the
festivities yet to come. As he was busying himself Raine was opening the
dresser drawer. From the angle of the
camera I could see a strange looking knife she had taken from the top drawer of
the dresser. It looked to be a jagged
blade with a bone handle, I had never seen anything like it. She hid the knife behind her back as she
turned back toward the man now lying on the bed shirt open and pants
unbuckled. Raine walked toward him
moving seductively hiding the blade behind her back. She walked up between the man’s legs that
were still hung over the bed planted on the floor, the man reached for Raine
still thinking this was his lucky day.
As he reached for her, he hand moved in a flash from behind her back,
the fingers that had been reaching for the forbidden flesh of a child were
instantly severed, before he had time for a reaction Raine had turned the blade
and thrust it into the man’s chest right below the sternum. A blood curdling cry filled the small room
and Raine looking right into the old man’s eyes pulled the jagged knife,
slicing from sternum to groin. This
silenced the man as he went into shock and the only noise escaping from his
mouth now was a gurgling sound of him drowning in his own blood.
I was shocked,
horrified… sick. I jumped from my chair
and rushed to the sink. The vomit was
thick and smelled of coffee and bile.
When I was done I turned on the faucet to try and wash it down the
sink. I couldn’t watch anymore, the
detectives seemed to understand this and put the tablet away. They told me the rest of the video was my
daughter bringing Hannah back in and having her help clean up, she had convinced the neighborhood girls that
what they were doing was a good thing by riding the world of men who would prey
on children. She had them thinking they
were doing God’s work. These girls thought
their parents would be proud of them.
Hannah was clearly shaken by what she had seen and done I knew she would
be traumatized for life, but they explained Raine had just been humming away as
she began wringing a sponge and wiping away the blood. They said they had never seen anything so
disturbing especially from a child.
I could no
longer think, I had no idea the response expected from me or if I would have to
defend myself against accusation of my complicity in my daughter's
actions. There is no possibility of
people feeling sympathy for me because there is no one who could believe I knew
nothing, I would not even believe it myself if I were not the one to experience
this horror myself, my daughter had been so cunning and absolute in her
deception that forever people would ask when exactly did I know that Raine had
fallen into evil?
END part 2
I spent the next
few weeks with the detectives going over the evidence against my daughter. In
spending time with me they had begun to accept I knew nothing of what had
transpired at my house. It was not due
to neglect or negligence just naivety. I
hated the thought that I could have been so naive. I always thought of myself as an attentive
mother who cared about her children and their lives. They would not let me visit Raine at any time
although I was allowed to see her on closed circuit camera. She had been given a room far away from other
children on the opposite side of the juvenile detention facility, her
accomplices although segregated from the main population of youth were not kept
under as intense scrutiny as she was. In
the opinion of the detectives they were just other girls of the neighborhood
manipulated by Raine. They were way more
interested in the motivations of my daughter than in the weakness of her
friends.
I sat there for
days watching Raine through the video monitor.
I wouldn’t leave as long as they allowed me to stay. Normally a mother would be allowed to visit
their child in a detention center but due to the severity of the crimes no one
but staff and psychologists had any access to her. I was allowed to watch the progress through
the video feed but was not able to make any demands, her attorney had tried to
set guidelines but I had overruled him.
I wanted to know as bad as the detectives did why she had done the things
she had done. I felt a defense lawyer
making demands would just create an unnecessary quagmire. I know this makes me sound like a horrible
mother and under normal circumstances I would have my lawyer defend my child
with every defense he could muster, but the horror I had seen committed by this
seemingly innocuous child had alleviated my desire for proper law ethics at
this point.
As I watched
Raine it was as if I were watching a live demonic possession. Most of the time she would just sit there
staring into nothingness silent and unmoving.
Other times she would be talking to herself but her words were
indecipherable and foreign. The
psychiatrist had contacted a linguistics professor in an attempt to understand
what she might be saying but all he could discern was that it was a real language
but a dead or unknown one. I didn’t know
this child on the video before me. It
was like my daughter was gone. The sweet
little girl I had given birth to was gone and in her place was this thing, I
know I may be repeating myself but you have to understand my shock and
disbelief.
During my vigil
over the video, unbeknownst to me, a man had come into the room and taken a
seat beside me and immersed himself in the video as well. When at last I realized I was no longer alone
I almost jumped out of my skin, I had been so engrossed in the video, observing
every little action and tweak my daughter made I was oblivious to the world
beyond that flickering box. When I
composed myself and made every attempt to hide my surprise at the unexpected
intrusion I was moved to ask who this man was.
“Who are
you? I didn’t hear you come in.” I said trying to sound stronger than I felt.
“Sorry about
that, I tend to move rather quiet. My
wife hates it.” He said with a wide grin
while examining my face. He was an older
man with thinning grey disheveled hair topping an almost bald crown. He made no attempt to wrangle in his
outrageous hair. He was old, about 50-55
with a deep craggy worn face to looked to have seen way too much drama in the
short time a human would walk the earth.
What stood out most was his eyes, they were a deep flecked emerald green
with amber color around the pupils. They
were like looking at two shattered emeralds glistening in the light of the
room. “You looked so entranced by the
video I didn’t want to disturb you. I
hope its ok that I’m here.”
“Uh… Yea, I guess.
Who are you?” I said not sure I wanted to know. I didn’t need more detectives or government
agents hounding me with questions I couldn’t answer. “There is nothing more I can tell you that
hasn’t already been asked a million times.
I’m sorry but I just can’t give you people the answers you want.” I returned my attention to the screen looking
longingly at the child sitting motionless on the bed, just wishing this
nightmare would end and I could gather the bubbling happy child I thought I
knew into my arms and sit down with my family. Happy. Ignorance truly is bliss.
This whole thing just felt like one long
nightmare. And now this man sat next to
me staring at the monitor trying to figure out what made my daughter tic. I wasn't sure how I should feel about
it. He seemed very friendly and genuine
but at the same time I had learned to trust no one. My instinct was if I could
not even trust my own flesh and blood, then I could trust no one. The last person I truly trusted died the
night they came for Raine.
“I apologize for not introducing myself
immediately.” He said to me looking
genuinely apologetic that he had shaken me.
“My name is Father Grey, I’m a priest.”
He paused a moment and looked at the monitor. “Well, you could say I’m kind of a
priest. I am really more of a student of
history and humanity who also happens to be a priest.” He grinned sheepishly at me searching my eyes
for answers.
“As I said.
Father. There is nothing I can
tell you, I am as shocked and surprised by my daughter as anyone else
was.” I turned back toward the monitor
hoping I had deterred further discussion.
"Oh, I understand." He stated clearly
undeterred by my cold demeanor. "I
wouldn't trust another soul either if I were in your position, I mean if you
can't trust your own flesh and blood then how could you possibly trust anyone else."
I was stunned by his insight into my predicament but I
made no gesture of acknowledgement but he must have been more insightful than I
knew because he seemed to read me without effort. "Look, I am not asking you to trust me.
I am asking that you give me the chance to earn your trust."
"What is it you want then?"
"The same thing as you. To understand who or what
this little girl is and how she came to be this way."
We both sat in silence for the next few minutes
allowing each other time to think. After
a bit the father spoke again. "I
don't mean to sound impatient, and I very much appreciate you not telling me to
get lost but I would like to discuss why I'm here."
"Yet?" He replied questioningly.
"I haven't kicked you out YET." I said looking into those dark green
eyes. "If you're just another
detective or some parish priest looking for his fifteen minutes of fame then
expect to be thrown out." I gave
him a grim look so he knew I was serious.
"Point taken." He gave a deep chuckle before
continuing. "I used to work for the
church on exorcism. You might say the
only reason I joined the church was to study possession up close. I was never
really a believer but I knew there was something interesting happening besides
a few hoaxes. I saw some interesting
stuff in my time but nothing that would have me convinced of something
paranormal or demonic happening. I had
given up and have been retired for a few years, but a colleague saw this and
thought it would interest me and I have to admit he was right."
After his little speech he quieted down to give me time
to digest what he was telling me. I sat
there for a half hour saying nothing, letting him stew for a bit. "Let's
see how patient he is." I thought.
Father Gray sat there silent as a mouse watching the scene for another
hour. His patience was impressive.
"So what do you think is wrong with my
daughter?"
He looked at me and a friendly smile formed across his
lips. "Well..."
I was stunned by what came out of his mouth next. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with
your daughter per say. It’s my belief
that she's just operating within her nature.”
“I don't understand.”
I said meekly not sure I wanted to hear the rest of his opinion on my
daughter.
“Well I know this may sound farfetched but seeing as
how you have witnessed some rather gruesome stuff already I think it is within
the realm of possibility that what I’m about to say next will not seem as
insane to you as it would sound to a normal everyday person.”
I wasn't sure if I should have taken that as a
compliment or not.
“Okay.” He
paused for a moment to gather his thoughts.
“Again this is going to sound insane, but it is my belief that what
we’re seeing here is the manifestation of a true and utter demon.”
“What?” I said
in disbelief anger beginning to show behind my eyes. “Yes. My daughter may be a monster but she is
not some demon from hell.”
“The last thing I want to do is to offend you Emily,
but the signs are all there and I think in your heart you know there is truth
to what I’m saying here.” He sighed slightly, fidgeted in his seat then in a
gesture of empathy put his hand softly on my shoulder making me shiver slightly
from the gesture of kindness I had not recently been granted by the police or
the community as a whole. “There is something
about your daughter that is far from normal, you see this, I see this, and
everyone sees this. The question you
have to then logically ask yourself is, is this normal behavior for a
child. Asking this question a logical
mind would then arrive at the conclusion that this is not only abnormal for a
child of her age but beyond what a child of her age is capable of doing, she
obviously had knowledge far beyond her years.”
He then paused to let me mull this over in my mind for a
while. I stared at my daughter on the
monitor, she was sitting there motionless as if in another world, it was as if
she were not there. A machine that had
been switched off for the moment until called upon to take action. What he said was true. Even if I could not believe what he was
saying I knew it to be true in my heart.
This was not a human child. This
was a demon.
Father
Grey sensed this and continued with his explanation. “See the job of a demon is to tempt a soul
to commit grievous misdeeds and then to send them to Hell.” Everything your daughter has done have been
the actions of an entity just doing what its instincts tell it to do, tempt and
kill the evil souls.”
“Then
why kill my husband and son, why?” I
said beginning to tear up. “They were
wonderful people, there was no evil or malice there.”
“Yes I
know and this is where things get prickly.
A demon will blend in as best it can and attempt to hide its deeds from
the populace so it will not be stopped from feeding its need to kill evil souls
but if discovered it will do anything to evade capture, the fight or flight
mode takes over like any animal and if someone gets in their way. Well.” He lowered his head. “You saw for yourself
what happens.”
“Why
does she just sit there now? She hasn't
moved in days or even eaten, they told me they are ready to forcibly insert a
feeding tube to keep her from starving.”
“I
would, and have advised the hospital staff from forcing anything on her. She will do irreparable harm to herself if
she thinks she is being forced to capitulate to anyone, the demon has been
captured so now it will go into hibernation until an opportunity to strike
presents itself. I know it seems cruel
but the only way to keep her alive is to let her starve. Eventually hunger will win out and the beast
will eat with a voracious appetite.”
Father
Grey sounded so confident in his tone that I felt no need to ask a follow up
question, looking again at the image of my daughter on the screen I could see
that he was right. She sat there still,
motionless, staring into nothingness, but you could see her muscles were not
relaxed she looked similar to a coiled snake prepared to strike. My child was a viper waiting patiently for
her prey. The biggest question that remained
in my mind still, was. “Was she ever
mine? Was she ever the happy bubbling
loveable child I knew?” I hadn’t
realized I had spoken that out loud until father Grey responded.
“She
was at one point, and could have remained so if not triggered by
something. There was something that she
experienced in her life that awoke the demon, there was something that happened
that a mind of a preteen girl could not understand or cope with and so the
demon that slept inside awoke and took over.”
“But
is she still in there somewhere?” I
sounded as though I were begging him.
“Can we get her back? Can we
bring back Raine?”
Father
Grey then looked at me with solemn eyes.
“This may sound like a pun or play on words and I do apologize but the
best words I can think of are this. I
have never known rain to fall toward heaven only away.”
That
night I lay in bed in the house of horrors my bed just feet over the
carnage. I had to step over blood stains
set into the carpet just to get to my bed that once two people lay in, a deep
embrace that conceived a demon. I let
the words of Father Grey play again and again in my mind. I sat in a chair in my mind's eye as I lay in
my bed watching the cinema of memory play over and over again. In the weeks since this nightmare had begun
the numbness I felt had not waned. I
wondered if it would ever subside or would it go with me through my life, a
constant unwanted companion following me forever beyond the grave. I was the mother of the demon spawn. I was the mother of evil incarnate and I had
allowed that evil into the world. Was it
my fault? Was I to believe the
media? I do not know. I was forever lost.
I
pulled the soft silken sheets around my body, I had entered the room and let my
clothes fall to the floor my nudity a sense of freedom from the strickening
clothing I was expected to wear. I just
wanted to melt into the bed, to forget, just for a little while. Maybe when I awoke all would be as it had
been.
My
daughter had not moved despite hours of my watchful vigilance. It was very disturbing to see her sitting on
the side of her bed not moving, not blinking.
Each meal that was left for her by the staff sat uneaten until
removed. A psychiatrist had eventually
gone in to attempt to speak to her. That
had not gone well. He tried multiple
techniques to try and coax her out of her trance but to no avail. He had eventually made the mistake of getting
to close to try and examine her. He had
to be removed from the room on a stretcher blood pouring from a gash on his
neck where she had sunk her teeth. She
had moved in a moment, before he could blink she was upon him. The scream he made was inhuman, the growling
she emanated was haunting. After that no
one was allowed in the room without security and while in the room no one was
allowed within five feet of her. They
had attempted to examine her by sedating her that did not work either. Nothing they tried had the power to sedate
her, at one point she even laughed. Her
statuesque demeanor interrupted for a moment as she let out a demented chuckle. A very unnerving noise, especially coming
from a child.
All
the while Father Grey watched the events unfold with avid curiosity. He had
warned the hospital staff with my permission about the behavior they would face
but they had laughed him off, they could not conceive of a child that could attack
with such ferocity and violence. I could
tell it took great effort for him to suppress a smile when Raine had attacked
the doctor. I could sense it wasn't a
smile of satisfaction but a smile of knowledge that now his words would be
heeded by the staff. By the end of that
day Father Grey had the staff and the doctors eating out of his hand. He was able to explain in masterful detail
Raine’s motivations and he was able to predict her behavior. When the doctor made a call to the Vatican at
the behest of Father Grey, he had come back face pale as though knowledge too
big for a mere man had been passed on.
After that Father Grey and him had engaged in deep conversation about
the philosophical implications of this experience. I tuned out after a few minutes because I did
not have the educational background to even begin to understand what they were
talking about.
It had
been my understanding that Father Grey was a Lutheran Minister, it amazed me
that he would carry so much weight and respect with the Catholic Church. It was later revealed in the conversations
between Father Grey and the doctor that he had studied at the Vatican and
gotten to know many of the upper echelon of the archdiocese and in doing so had
made many lasting friendships he could call upon when needed.
I
wished when I awoke this would all be over.
I
awoke to the ringing of the phone, I thought I had unplugged the house phone to
keep the incessant questions of reporters at bay. I would get between fifteen and twenty calls
an hour at one point before I couldn't take it anymore and ripped the phone
right out of the wall. It took a moment
to realize it was my cellphone I had forgotten to turn off when I had collapsed
naked in bed.
“Hello?”
I said meekly trying to pull myself awake.
“Emily!” It was the voice of Father Grey, the urgency
in his tone was enough to pull me to full attention.
“She’s
gone, I don't know how, but the camera flickered for a moment and she was
gone! The hospital is on lockdown. Be careful she may be coming home. We have police on the way to your home
now. If she shows up try and stall her
until they arrive.
I hung
up the phone before anything else could be said. I jumped out of bed and pulled my clothes
on. If she had truly escaped and made it
home it could be a dangerous situation I could not be prepared for. There is no way I could handle this monster
alone.
As I
moved from my room down the stairs I crept with cat like stealth trying
desperately to make as little noise as possible, If she had somehow managed to
get back here and into the house I didn't want her to surprise me and have me
at a disadvantage. I made it to the
kitchen straining my ears to hear anything that might indicate I was not alone
in the house. I grabbed a knife out of
the drawer and moved to the front door to check the locks and windows. Even armed with a knife I felt terribly
exposed and fearful. How had she gotten
out? What was she? If Father Grey was right my daughter’s mere
existence would upset the spiritual consciousness of the world. She was making no effort to hide herself or
what she was from people now. Was she
just the beginning of more to come? Was
she the first in a wave of demons that would soon be walking the earth? Would the good be safe from them or would
they just go after anyone, like feral animals?
The
door was still locked and the windows were intact. I sighed in relief. I could now hear the sirens in the distance
of the approaching police cars, I was safe.
I
almost didn't hear it. The noise was
barely audible but distinct, the sound of a blade scraping across metal. My heartbeat jumped and sweat began to bead
on my forehead as tears of fear began to well in my eyes. She was here.
Behind me. I closed my eyes, I
didn't want to turn around. I knew she
was there. What to do? Protection was
still minutes away and she was here now.
I was dead. I could feel it in my heart, that sinking feeling you get
when hope is lost and you have no control over what's about to happen
next. My daughter the demon was here, a
blade in hand standing behind me.
I
stood frozen at the front door. I could hear the sound of her feet approaching
me, the almost inaudible sound a child can only make when moving across a
carpeted floor. She was moving toward
me, I could not run, I could only turn and face my daughter. It was a jarring sight, her 4’9 frame was swaying
slightly back and forth in her demonic stance, and it was as if she were a
zombie from a movie. There, but not
there. Her arms were relaxed at her
side, the blade she had used to kill the pedophile in the basement held firmly
in her left hand ready to strike. Her
eyes were a bloodshot red, puffy with stress and lack of sleep. Although the demon was in control the
stresses on the human body of this child were all too evident. She wasn’t looking at me. She was focused on the ground. She didn’t speak just stood there, my fear
was all too great. I didn't know what to
do. The knife dropped from her hand with
a silent thud on the floor and before I knew what was happening she threw her
arms around me and began to cry. A child
seeking comfort in her mother.
Instinctively I put my arms around this evil child. What was I to do? The sirens were outside the door now, armed
men approaching. What was I to do?
I was now a mother with the arms
of a child of darkness wrapped around my waist, I could feel the tears coming
from her eyes dampening my belly reminding me of the months I had carried her
in my womb. Was this a ploy of the
demon? The police at the door to kill
her or take her away. Was the demon hoping the love of a mother for her child
would induce protection from me? Were
the tears genuine a child crying out for release from the demon that had
imprisoned her soul?
I slowly began to walk with her
toward the other side of the living room clearing the door for the police to
enter and capture her. I felt the need
to console the child even though she had ripped away everything I held dear I
still felt I had to protect her from the world.
A mother’s love for her child was absolute. Nothing convinced me of this more than the
need to console her even in the darkest of moments.
Everything seemed to move in slow
motion, the banging on the door and yelling from the police sounded faint and
distant as if be called from across a river, the flowing and churning of the
water drowning out the noise. When the
door gave way I held the child closer pressing my hands tight against her
back. This seemed to relax her a bit.
BANG!!!
I didn’t feel it at first. There was no pain no sensation of
penetration. But soon a warm feeling
spread across my chest and I could feel it spreading. I looked down to see the blood begin soaking
through my shirt. Raine looked up into
my eyes and a noticeable look of shock flashed through her eyes. I could no
longer retain my balance and I began to slump falling to the floor on my side
pulling my daughter down next to me. The police in their haste had not alerted
the officer to the situation and upon entering they saw the knife on the floor
and the child in my arms, they jumped to the conclusion the child was a hostage
and shot me. Typical police to shoot
first and ask questions later.
I could not get back up, I felt
sluggish and unusually cold, my daughter sat next to me and began to stoke my
hair while I looked into those eyes. Eyes that were usually so empty looked almost
human, the tears were still visible on her rosy cheeks. A child. She was a child, yet she was something
else. Things were beginning to dim at
this point and the lack of blood to my brain could be the reason for the
incoherence of what I am about to tell you but I think what I witnessed was
something beyond the realm of supernatural.
As I looked into my child’s eyes and the world was beginning to darken
so did her eyes, a shadow of black and a tinge of red rolled over the whites of
her eyes and darkened the areas around them, black streaks began to spread themselves
across her skin like the crack in the face of a porcelain doll. A look of anger and rage washed over her
features of the likes I and no other had ever seen. She gently laid my head to the ground and
began to rise as the officers began shouting commands at her guns now trained
on her.
A terrible wind and chill filled
the small family room. The air began to
whirl around her small frame and a maniacal grin stretched from ear to ear in
an unholy way. Her hands raised in the
air, the officers stopped, guns dropped to the ground. It began with a black smoke that rose from
the floor. It had substance to it
though. Form. The smoke began to claw its way up the legs
of the officer who in unison let out a scream so terrifying none present that
night would ever forget it. When the
smoke reached their necks hands seemed to form out of it and penetrate their
being, in a moment it was apparent what was happening, the smoke began to
withdraw from them pulling a long spindly glowing form with it. The form was human, it let out an inaudible
scream as the smoke began to sink again into the floor pulling the glowing
forms with it. The las thing I witnessed before the darkness overtook me was
the souls of these officers being dragged to hell clawing at the smoke and the
floor desperately trying to free themselves their screams unheard by the mortal
realm. My daughter the demon child. A terror was about to be visited upon this
world. The darkness overtook me. “It is over”
End part 7
I awoke to the sound of heavy
breathing close to my left ear, I could feel Raine's breath on me, and
slow deep breaths hotter than you would think the breath of a child should
be. I cautiously opened my eyes. My first impression was of an old
rotted ceiling where the wood was slowly collapsing under the weight of the
roof. The smell of mildew and straw immediately overpowered my senses and
I turned to the side and rose up on my elbow and came face to face with the
demon that was my daughter. I was startled for a moment, she was crouched
down with her hands and feet firmly planted on the floor, her eyes had lost
their blackness and had returned to the normal hazel I was used to. But
in one glance you could tell the demon was still there. Her manner of
sitting was more akin to a dog on her haunches than a child on a floor.
The look on her face was one of curiosity. She looked almost excited to
see me arise but said nothing, just sat there. Staring.
I wasn't sure what I should do us both kind of just
stayed still staring at one another waiting for the other to make the first
move unsure what to expect. It was the history channel predator prey size
up, I fear if I made the wrong move I could end up like the rest of my family.
It was a sinking feeling being so powerless, I knew there was no way out
I was completely at her mercy. I tried to move myself into a more
comfortable position but the pain from my gunshot wound overwhelmed me and I
fell onto my back. The pain was intense I felt as though I could barely hold
onto consciousness. Raine immediately could see my distress and moved closer
running her hands over the wound and my blood soaked shirt sending pains and
shivers of fear through my body. The blood had become cold and with a light
chill in the air of the barn I began to grow ever colder.
Raine moved her hand from my wind and began to stroke
my hair as she did in our living room, an almost loving look was in her eyes
which we starring ever deeper penetrating my soul. Just then she produced a
knife from her pocket. It was the same one that had now become synonymous with
her crimes. Fear overcame me and I closed my eyes. The inevitable had come. But
nothing happened. I opened my eyes. The knife was not hovering over me. My
daughter had exposed her right forearm and looking me straight in the eye she
glided the blade over the skin slicing of a piece of it. Blood began to pour
from the wound but she seemed not to notice. She took the piece of skin
in her hand and looked at it for a moment before ripping my shirt away from the
wound. She then took the piece of flesh she had cut from her own body and
applied it over the wound like a band aid.
The effect was instantaneous. The pain began to
subside. The blood and flesh began to melt into my own suturing the wound
and healing me. As fast as the pain subsided a new pain began to grow.
A stinging sensation that became burning as her blood began to course
through my veins bonding the new flesh with my own and contaminating my blood
with hers. I screamed out, the burning encompassing my entire being. That
was the first time I felt the true fires of Hell. It is a deep burn that sets
the soul ablaze, there are no mortal words to describe such pain. The
misery and hopelessness hit next, so deep and penetrating Raine had to stop me
from grabbing her knife and slitting my own throat.
It felt like hour passed before the horrible
sensations finally began to ebb. I looked down and could see that the
wound had healed and in its place was nothing but a scar. I looked at my
daughter and a look of morbid joy was awash on her face. She knew my experience
and my pain seemed to bring her pleasure. Then the visions began. Flashes
of an eternal Pitt of fire, flames licking around rotted stumbling corpse.
Screams permanently frozen on their decrepit faces. The Hellfire
was hotter than any furnace or volcano, I could feel the heat blasting my skin
even though it was only a vision and even this to began to subside in time.
I was forever changed, forever traumatized. No mortal should see these
things or feel this misery and although it had subsided the ghost effects would
stick with me even to this day. A never ending torment inflicted on a mortal.
And then she began to speak.
End part 8
Her voice was raspy and high pitched like she
had a sore throat. It seemed as though this entity was not use to
speaking and found it difficult to use the vocal cords of its host other than
for guttural animal noises. "I saved you mother." She
said slowly moving toward me.
I got up and moved slowly back against the wall of the
barn trying to put some space between us. "Why?" I asked.
I was genuinely confused after the brutal murder of my husband and son by
their own family it was hard for me to accept she could be capable of any kind of
mercy or honest emotion.
"I don't know." She said inching yet
closer to me. "In all my time I have never experienced this before,
it is a curiosity I wanted to explore further." She seemed to spit these
words out with an almost distasteful expression like what she was feeling
disgusted her.
I took this opportunity to attempt to ask questions.
I wanted to know what this creature was and what had happened to my
daughter. Here before me in the body of my tiny daughter was the subject
of nightmares and fear among the religious of the world and for me being not
very religious I must say I was having second thoughts about the afterlife.
The visions of Hell I had just experienced were still working their way
through my soul like some parasite that had invaded my being and began to
attack my soul. I wanted to claw the vision out of my head and it was a
constant struggle to keep them at bay. It was hard but I wasn't about to
waste this opportunity. "What are you?" I said.
"I am your daughter." She said with a
mischievous grin inching ever closer. "I am a demon, all demons are
born from human mothers. Heaven, Hell and Earth all coexist on one plain.
There is no above or below, there is only here. We are all around
you, the battle wages eternally. The Yin and Yang of the universe, the
ebb and flow of darkness and light locked in a death struggle in an attempt to
consume one another. I am simply the result of a bleed through of these
tidal forces. All souls are demon and angels, there are no direct human
souls. All the souls that inhabit humans are the reincarnated souls of
angels and demons. We are all one, we are all connected."
She sat down for a moment as if exhausted after her
explanation, it seemed to take a toll on her to use vocalizations. Every
word seemed to be a struggle for her. After a moment she seemed to regain
her strength and was quiet as if awaiting another question. I had to ask.
What happened to Raine? What happened to my daughter's soul?"
"I understand the confusion, but I am your
daughter. My soul is intact, but the demon inside has awakened. It
happens all over the world although very rarely. Some of the most notable
people in history are because of the demon or angel awakening inside."
"But why? What is this?" I wish
my words had been more coherent but I think this was all just too overwhelming.
"We all get a chance at life, who could exist in
an eternity of evil or bliss, with that there is no curiosity, no discovery.
We created earth as a distraction from eternity. We all take the
human form here and there to escape the never ending infinity. But
sometimes such a traumatic situation happens that the spirit inside will
awaken. For demon this is called falling and for angels it is called
ascension. It is simple. I Fell."
"But what happened? How did you fall?"
I said trying at this point to merge with the wall. I understood at
this point I was in no danger. She had after all saved my life, but there
was no shaking the fear she instilled in me. She kept moving closer, she
was now inches from me.
"That is another story for another time."
She finally reached me. She reached out and put her hand on my
face, the touch was so light and loving. It reminded me of how my mother
would tough me when I would feel sad as a child. It was reassuring and
comforting. I closed my eyes for a moment finding temporary relief in
this feeling, even for a moment. I wished I could live in this moment and
forget all the proceeded it. She rested her head on my lap and closed her
eyes and the mother daughter dynamic was restored.
For the first time I relaxed, my daughter seemed to
drift off to sleep in my lap giving me time to be with my own thoughts for a
bit. I had to help her. Whatever had made her fall, I had to help.
No child should ever have to experience this and old soul or not this
clearly was not supposed to have happened. I had to find a way to lock
this side back up again. I no longer felt the hatred I had for her.
I understood now, she was my daughter, she always had been and she needed
her mother.
End Part 9
The love of a mother can move the mountains and part
the sea if her will commands it. This is something I knew for sure.
Nothing would stop me from saving my daughter's soul, nothing would stand
in my way. I could not imagine the trauma she experienced that awoke the
demon within. I had to know what it was. I looked down on my lap,
the demon lay there asleep, my hand stroking her cheek. Today was a new
day, the rays of the sun were breaking through the barn walls. We had
both slept through the night, the visions of hell were thankfully absent from
my slumber. But with the rising sun glinting through the cracks in the
wall I was reminded of the fires shown to me. The images still burned
into my mind. So many tormented souls, so much suffering.
I felt deep inside if I did not find a way to save
Raine that is where she would go, an eternal torment. She may be a demon
but she’s my daughter and I would give anything to save her. I slowly
moved her from my lap and laid her head down on the wooden straw covered
floor of the barn and walked to a window across the room. I stood there
looking out among the fields feeling the light breeze of the morning air
caressing my skin. Everything seemed so simple. I pulled my coat
around me. I didn't know what the next move would be but I couldn't let
my daughter go back to that place and just rot away. I had to save her, I
had to save this demon. There had to be a way to return the demon to the
cage so she could live again.
The trees we almost breathing in the morning sky, a
wind blew them in a soft in and out motion and my chest rose and fell in unison
with them. "Father Grey" I said to myself, the priest who had
visited me in the hospital. He seemed to have so much insight on what was
happening to Raine. I still remembered hi number, I would try to reach
out to him if I could find a phone. Maybe he knew of a way to save Raine.
I heard movement across the floor slowly moving toward
me, I just stood there looking out among the Fields, I trusted this creature
now. She meant me no ill will. I never thought I could feel love
for such an evil creature who had taken my family, but here it was. She
stood beside my looking out over the fields and I put my arm around her
shoulder and pulled her close. "Why did you fall Raine?"
I said without thinking, my mind needed to know and I had no desire to
try and speculate anymore.
Again she spoke, her voice raspy and labored.
"A man." She began. "I... She... was coming home
from school when I, we were grabbed and taken off into the woods."
She put her hand on the arm I had encircled around her shoulder.
"He did horrible things to her... us." "I awoke to
the screams and the pain. It was a deep pain crying out for
understanding. I awoke to the call and ended our torment. I ended
him." "He is still in those woods I think." The was an evil
satisfaction in the tone of her voice and I had no doubt the man who had hurt
her had suffered terribly for what he did and was still suffering in Hell.
Raine's hand tightened on my arm, no quite to the
point of pain but still enough to remind me who the boss was. "I
know what you want to do." She said. "I know you want to call the
priest."
I turned to her and looked her dead in the eyes.
"Yes, I do want to call him. I want to help you. I don't
want this torment to continue for us." She didn't bat an eye, she
held my gaze defiantly. "Once the box has been opened the beast
cannot be returned to it. Mother."
"I understand, you are my daughter Raine no
matter what form you take or the deeds you commit I will always love you and be
there for you. Let me save you as you have saved me. I trusted you
now I ask you to trust me." She stood there searching my eyes for
any sign of deception. She seemed almost frustrated when she could find
none. "I don't like priests....but I will trust you." Her
superhuman grip loosened then and we stood there for the morning drinking in
the beauty of the day. Every so often I would sneak a glance at the
demon's face. She almost seemed to be enjoying the beauty of God's
creation. It was then I understood. I was then I knew how to save
her. To save her I would have to die.
End Part 10
It was night again before we decided to venture from
the barn. The cover of night wrapped us in its blanket and allowed us to
travel in relative obscurity. It was a cold night and the air was nipping
at our noses but Raine seemed unaffected by the cold. She walked huddled
next to my shivering form as if hoping her body heat would warm me. It
was odd a demon would have concern for a mere human but I was thankful for the
effort, at this I pulled her closer hoping she could feel my love. She
may be evil but she was still my daughter and I would move heaven and earth to
protect her. She deserved a normal life, she deserved to be happy, she
couldn't help what she had become and I decided I would do anything to return
my daughter the happy bubbly child she had once been.
The visions of Hell continued to subside but every so
often a vision would drop on me and I would almost fall to the ground but
Raine's amazing strength keep me on my feet. We walked through the
streets of downtown Pittsburgh trying to keep from being noticed hoping to make
it to Father Grey's church undetected. Raine had killed many people and
they were hunting her but they would not really notice a child walking with her
mother, it probably would not occur to them that she had kept me alive. I
hoped this was a worthwhile deception. I don't know how I would handle it
if we were discovered and I didn't want her killing anyone else. It would be
hard to choose a side in that situation.
After what seemed an eternity we were standing at the
steps to the church. It was a giant stone building in the heart of the
city, with large oak doors and a bell tower to summon its congregation. It was
hard to believe a priest like the man I had met would reside in such a place.
It was an old and giant monstrosity reminiscent of the world’s medieval Christian
era. Raine and I stepped up to the doors, I reached out and placed a hand on
the handle and was surprised when the heavy door swung effortlessly on it
hinges. Even at this late hour the building was open for it parishioners.
We quietly stepped inside the main hall, there was Christian imagery of
Christ and God adorning every wall, crosses hung below every stained glass
window that depicted biblical imagery. I half expected Raine to burst
into flame upon entering, she did grip my hand a bit tighter and was noticeably
uncomfortable with these surroundings but she was not outwardly affected by
entering the premises.
There were few people here silently praying, we made
our way to an empty pew near the front of the church and took our seats.
As if by some divine awareness the other parishioners seemed to sense
Raine's presence and instinctively moved away from us little by little.
My discomfort became noticeable and it was my turn to grasp my daughters
hand a little tighter for courage. Raine sat silently staring at the
floor, she seemed afraid to look around as if staring into the face of god was
shameful to her.
"Raine are you okay?" She looked up at
me with a piercing look that soon softened as she saw the genuine look of
concern on my face. "Yeah, I'll be OK." She croaked out, she was
still having trouble communicating. In the video I had seen, the demon
had no trouble talking but it seems after she became full blown demon it became
a hardship to communicate almost like a more aggressive animal side had slowly
taken over her. She was a beautiful child and I could see in her eyes
that she didn't want to live like this. It made me wonder to myself if
this was common for demons who had emerged or if Raine was a unique case.
We both sat with our heads down each of us in our own
contemplation. I wondered what she was thinking, I hoped I could save
her. It dawned on me as I reflected over the past few days that since
entering the church the vision of Hell had not haunted me, it was as if upon
entering the cloak of God's love had wrapped itself around me shielding me from
the horrors I had been forced to witness and for the first time I was able to
take an objective look at the things I had witnessed. I could understand
how Hell could drive a soul insane and turn them into the animals my daughter
had become. I could not understand why such a place existed and why god
would allow such suffering. I was contemplating this line of thought when
I was interrupted.
"Hello Emily." A voice whispered
quietly. I looked up to see the familiar face of father Grey standing
over us. He had such a calming face, trustworthy and wise. Those
emerald green eyes exuded trust. Raine looked up and I could see in her
eyes a calmness upon seeing him that I had not witnessed in her before.
Father Grey was a priest but Raine seemed unconcerned by this.
"I'm so happy you two were able to make it here undetected. If
you follow me to my rectory we can talk." He looked at Raine and
gave her a quick reassuring smile. "I'm sure you would like to get out of
this area, it can’t be comfortable for you." With those words I
could feel the stress Raine was feeling melt away as we stood to follow the
Father.
Father Grey discretely guided us to the rear of the
church through a hidden door that led to his rectory. It was a small
office that was kind of off putting due to the opulence of the rest of the
church. There was no Christian imagery or crosses in the tiny office.
The only thing that stood out was a small worn bible with multiple
bookmarks for research. There was a small desk which he took a seat
behind and motioned us to sit on a small blue love seat across from him.
The office was made smaller by all the books that lined the walls, they
were books from all over the world. I could see the titles of most of
them and they seemed to all be religious and scientific research journals.
He was an avid scholar of all things weird and supernatural.
"Look Emily." He said grabbing my
attention. I think I may have found a way to help Raine, but it will not
be something easy, this isn't a movie where I dash holy water on her and POOF! She’s
cured. This is a delicate situation requiring true sacrifice."
I looked to the floor, silent, thoughtful. "I have researched
this for most of my time as a priest and I have never seen such an obvious case
of possession, if you want to save her you must be willing to do what is
necessary.
"I will do anything." I said raising
my head and meeting his eyes dead on. "I will sacrifice anything to save
Raine. I will give my own soul if necessary."
"I'm speechless you would go so far."
He looked from me to Raine who was watching the priest with avid
fascination. "Raine, I think it's time you and I finally had a
conversation."
End Part 11
The Conversation
Part 1
It began like the stare down of two epic titans of
myth. One sizing the other up and each waiting for the other to make the
first move. It was a stare down between good and evil. Raine waiting for Father
Grey to speak first and Father Grey waiting for Raine to speak first. There was
a tension in the air and I sitting on the edge of my seat clutching the arm
rests, knuckles turning white. My fear was rising. "What if the priest
said something to throw the demon into a rage? What if she said nothing at
all?"
It was Father Grey who decided to cut the tension
and make the first move. "Raine where have you come from? I
realize this may be an irrational question that one would not generally ask a
demon the answer being obvious, but I ask this question to hear you answer from
your own lips, your demon lips."
She stayed silent for a few moment as she seemed
surprised by the question then cast her eyes down in contemplation. His
small frame fidgeted slightly in her chair the discomfort from the main foyer
finally beginning to wear off. A moment later her confidence seemed to
return and she looked deep into the priests eyes as if searching for God
himself. "The world you see is a cloak pulled over your eyes, a
false sense of reality presented by those who master the game." Her
voice was more stable now, less animalistic and more human. She formed
her words coherently and intelligently as she continued to speak. "The
entirety of the human race, nay all races in the universe fall under the one
law, the law of the eternal struggle between that which is good and that which
is evil. We all take our turn on each plane. Heaven. Hell. Earth.
All these are just places of existence inhabited by a single species.
Life. From the smallest insect to the biggest animal, all are subject to
this law and this choice. The influence of God and Satan are as real as
the gravity that keeps your feet upon the ground. During each life, and
you live so many, you are granted the ability to make choices. The
ability of free will. A gift given life by the agreement between God and
Satan. What you do in life echoes through death. There is
punishment and reward for your sins or your selflessness. There are no
Angels or Demons, we are all one and the same. We all choose our ultimate
fate, we are punished or rewarded and then ultimately are returned to Earth to
begin anew. To learn, to grow, to escape the endless cycle, to win the
game and truly ascend."
The silence was bitter after these revelations.
Father Grey sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them his blazing
green eyes seemed renewed with intensity. I would swear he looked ten
years younger. His grey hair seemed less grey his eyes more vibrant. The
revelation of the interconnectedness of the universe seemed to bring new life
to the old man.
"Why evil Raine? You can choose can you not?
Why take such hostile actions to the people around you upon your
awakening? Why kill your family?"
Raine seemed taken aback by this, for the first time I
could see a hint of regret and sadness flash across the child's face. Her
confidant shoulders slumped a bit and she lost her eye contact with the priest.
When she spoke her voice was weaker, there was a definite sadness in her
tone now.
"Why does a lion chase a gazelle or a dog chase a
rabbit? It is instinct, what we as animals revert to. A deep seeded
drive that cannot be controlled easily. Sometimes you act before you can
think about the consequences of those actions. It is the condition of all
life that we sometimes act without thought driven by the desire for survival.
A demon has a hunger for these instincts. A drive that blocks
rational thought. Not acting on these impulses can bring a great burden to us.
I tried to control my hunger, I tried to direct it. But I
failed."
A tear formed and rolled down the child's cheek.
I wanted to go to her. To hold her in my arms and to help ease the
pain but as if sensing my intentions Father Grey motioned for me to stay put.
She looked weak, a child again for the moment indulging in guilt.
It was now obvious Father Grey wanted to keep her in this state, a more
pliable state, a less guarded state where his questions would be answered.
"Raine, I understand now. You cannot ask a
lion to not be a lion. You cannot ask a dog to be a cow. But is
there anything that can be done to save you? Is there anything that can
be done that would protect you from the world and the world from you? You
have to know that the world cannot handle one such as yourself to walk among us
unchecked. What can we do? He sat forward a bit in a non-threatening
move trying to ease the demon inside the child.
"Kill me." Was the only answer.
"I can’t believe that is the only recourse here
Raine. I have to believe you can be saved. I have to believe there is
hope."
"My soul is gone Father, Yes it still exists
within my body and will be till the day I die. I am Raine but I am not,
without my soul tethered to my consciousness the hunger will only grow until it
can be satiated. This is not a disease. It cannot be cured. It is
the way of the universe, the will of God above and the Devil below. There
are many in this world who have awakened. Angels and Demons alike walk this
reality across the expanse of the universe."
"If you die. What will happen to your
soul?"
"It will be released and returned to Hell,
Because of this awakening what once was one is now two, Raine is innocent but
she will be condemned with me because she still is me, but not. There is
no understanding this, it is what it is."
"Is there a way to reunite the soul and the body?
To bring you back together?"
"Yes...."
End part 12
Part 13
We sat in silence for an
eternity. What Raine had proposed was
shocking to say the least. All we could
do is sit and stare at one another trying to gauge the other person’s
thoughts. A mother, a priest and a demon
sat in a small rectory in the back of an old church trying to comprehend the
magnitude of the proposal that had been offered. A sacrifice like no other, a very affront to
the natural order of the cosmos and the supernatural realm. Was Raine being truthful? Was this really the only way?
“I’ll do it.” I whispered in a barely audible almost defeated
tone.
“You can’t” Father Grey sat bolt
upright in his seat. “You can’t even
consider this. It is beyond insane. If this is the only way then I can’t condone
this action, even a mothers love has got to have limits. Do you understand what this proposal would
mean for you? For her? This is not an act of God or of nature, this
action would upset the very balance of all that exists!”
“If this is the way it must be,
then is the road I must travel. I am her
mother, her wellness must come before my own.”
I sighed dejectedly. My words sounded good but in reality I was
terrified. I did not want this. But I was the demon’s mother, I had brought
her into this world and all that she had done I could rectify with this
act. My sins could never be washed away
but at least by doing this I could stop further tarnish on my soul and hers.
“Is this truly the only
way?” Father Grey said to Raine, looking
deep into her eyes searching for signs of deception.
“Yes.” She said softly. “A demon I may be, a liar I am not.” There was such conviction in her statement
Father Grey seemed to stop his please and settle back into his chair,
thoughtful again.
“How do we go about this?” Father Grey shook his head slowly unable to
accept his participation in this act.
“The method is quite simple, the
explanation is not.” Raine said sitting
a little straighter in her seat now more confident that she had our acceptance
of the situation. “I have existed for
millennia and in all that time I have never had a soul who gave so much after
such horror had been wrought upon her, I have killed her lover, her son, her
daughter, yet she protected me with her life, given me refuge and held me in
her arms. If I can give her back her
daughter even in death it is a sacrifice I must accept.”
“But it’s not you who will be
sacrificed!” Father Grey exclaimed
almost angrily at the demon.
“As my mother dies, I to will die
in a sense. It is a melding, both will
perish and another will take our place.”
“Emily! You can’t be possibly considering this, this
isn’t death you’re facing but obliteration!
You will no longer exist. No
Heaven, no Hell. Just nothing.” Father Grey put his head in his hands
fighting back tears.
“It is not a matter of wanting to
do this, it is not a matter understanding.
I have to do this because killing her is not an option to me. She may have done horrible things but she is
innocent in the end and if I can bring back the innocence she one had then I
have done my part in this world and will go to my grave happily.” I sat back hoping I had sounded convincing.
“Emily. We’re talking about a sacrifice here, a human
sacrifice. We’re talking about your Emily!
You won’t be dead, you will be erased.
Is the gain really worth the cost?”
I looked at my daughter the demon
had possessed, she was staring off into space as if in deep thought, her small
innocent body seemed so fragile you could almost forget what she was. I wanted to bring that innocence back. Maybe there was a larger picture to all of
this we were neglecting to see. If I
wanted to save Raine I would have to endure this, and maybe with this sacrifice
I could make something right in this world.
I was to be a human sacrifice.
This is not how I saw my life ending.
I hung my head then and wept.
Part 14 Conclusion
My name is Emily Serim and if you
are reading this I am dead. I have now
explained my story from the beginning to the moment my life would be
forfeit. I hope that those who will read
this in the future will try to understand why I did what I am about to do. It is not an easy thing to sacrifice ones
being, to not only die but to be erased from existence. I can’t say this is
something that I decided to do out of desire but out of necessity. I brought my daughter into this world and I
would do everything I could to save her now.
She had killed so many, caused such misery but there it was in her eyes,
desire. Longing. A need to be different than her existence dictated. If this would save her then it is something I
will do.
I do not want to give too much
detail on the ritual and what it will entail, I do not want this abomination of
nature to be repeated and neither does Father Gray. I do not know what will
happen when the ritual is complete. Will
I fade away? Will I be forgotten? Will
it hurt? Nothing could be worse than the
visions of hell that Raine showed me.
The burning pain the never ending torment no mortal should witness. The visions I witnessed will forever endure
and I pray they will not follow me to my grave.
This ritual will involve the separation of my soul from my body and the transfer of that energy to Raine by binding it to the soul of the demon in the hopes that it will create a duality and give Raine the opportunity to make the choice between right and wrong. The drawback is there is no way to excise the demon from the body since the demon is Raine. For the rest of her life she will have to fight the demonic urges that will plague her. This is not the fix I had prayed for but it is the best we can hope for. This will give her a fighting chance in this world. I pray my sacrifice will not be in vain.
At this time I have to ask. Where is god in all of this? It is logical that if demons exist then god and angels must exist as well. Where are they? Why have they not shown themselves when there is so much strife? What grand plan can be accomplished by so much suffering?
I end this with a thought. We are human, we are not demons. We are capable of making a world of beauty and peace. Why then are we so set on our own destruction? Is it because of the proverbial original sin? Do we have a collective guilt that has followed us through the eons? I believe we as a species can change, we can evolve into something beautiful and majestic. We are not Raine, we have a choice. I pray we make the right one.
