Immeasurable Sadness

The sadness I feel in my heart is beyond any  measure on any scale.  All that I had has been ripped away. Taken from me. All i wanted was to feel something positive again. Anything.  But like so much sand my fingers cannot keep hold and I am left with my hand empty desperately grasping the air for what has been taken from me.  When doss the pain end? When does the suffering lament? When can I finally rest?  I do nit want to go on. The world takes and takes only giving me a bastardized version of my desires like the magic of a monkey paw.

I have risked all for the dust that has fallen at my feet where a golden memory once stood.  Why? Why is so much taken from me? I just want the world to stop.  Why wont it stop?  I just want to close my eyes and drift away leaving this world behind. Rising steadily away from the despair.  All I see in this wretched place is the pain of those who inhabit it.  The never ending  disappointment  and heartache.

I used to look at life with such hope long ago. How naive I was, sometimes I pray for that ignorance to envelope me once more.  All hope has been taken from me.  All desire removed. Food is nothing in my mouth but dust. All joy all happiness has been taken. I am a husk of my former self. A shadow left upon the stage of life to amuse the gods with my pain.

If hell exists I am surely there and my punishment is as sweet wine upon the lips of a demon. They surely dance with joy in anticipation of bathing in my misery. My tears lubricate their throats enabling horrendous and terrible laughter that never leaves my ears. How can I find joy when all I feel is sorrow.

Before recently I have never prayed to be released from this world, now all I want is freedom to move onto the next. I wish for the angel of death to place her lips upon mine and release me from my cage. To gently drift away the blackness enveloping me like a blanket warming my bones and setting my mind at peace.

Is there such a thing as peace? Can it be achieved? Truly achieved. Is there an escape from the torment of mortality? A place where my mind can rest and the goodness left in the world will present itself to me at long last.